Tosses Out On Their Asses
by ManhattanWitch
Summary: itsy-bitsy crack fic-first of it's kind from me. Title says it all. Warnings-cursing, slight slash, Drarry, HPDM, not mine
1. Chapter 1

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary-**"It was a dark and stormy night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-** Slash, but not for a while. Random pairings including but _**are **_not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- And the first one goes to…(duhn duhn duhh)… **Windseeker2305!! **Seriously, because she just finished a thirty plus chaptered fic. I could learn something from that, you know.

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter One**_

… … …

"What could he possibly want with us this late at night?" Harry groused as the seventh year Gryffindor's made their way down to the Great Hall. It was ten thirty, and all the students had been getting ready for bed when the summons came. Dean and Seamus were in their pajamas, Ron was in an rumpled school uniform, while Harry and Hermione were wearing muggle slouch clothes. Lavender and Parvati had obviously been doing _something_, because they were wearing ball gowns, and Neville was still in his greasy greenhouse work clothes. They were an… eclectic sight, to say the least.

Hermione answered, shaking her head. "Maybe it has something to do with our N.E.W.T.s scores?" her voice was hopeful, and she blushed when Ron snorted derisively.

"For Merlin's sake, 'Mione, not everything revolves around school. Maybe it's a feast of some sort." No one felt the need to start a fight by pointing out to Ron that if he was forcing Hermione to ignore her passion, then maybe he should ignore his.

Neville spoke up as the group rounded the last corner and headed towards the double doors. "I think we should just let the Headmaster tell us himself, don't you?"

"Grand idea, darling," came the drawlingly sarcastic voice of Pansy Parkinson. "We don't want to hear anymore of your annoying Gryffindor fantasies."

Harry tensed as he turned to face the black haired girl, and his eyebrows shot up when he saw who was with her. Apparently, the Headmaster had summoned all the seventh years, because behind the Slytherin's, the Ravenclaw's were emerging from a staircase and the Hufflepuff's from a hidden passage.

But as he took in their appearances, Harry felt himself trying not to laugh. It looked like the Gryffindor's had gotten the message first, since everyone else was in their night clothes. His eyes roamed over the group, ignoring the heated debate Hermione and Pansy had gotten into, and his eyes locked with Malfoy's. Both of them stared each other down, expressionless. When Malfoy raised his eyebrow, Harry knew it was a silent commentary on his outfit, and it hadn't anything nice to say about his black tee and ripped jeans.

So he took it as permission to look over the blondes outfit, and when he did, Harry had a hard time keeping his reaction off his face. Seriously, no one that evil should look that good in black silk pajama bottoms and a mismatched shirt. Harry turned away suddenly, the reason for the king of fashions little lapse making itself perfectly obvious. Vainly, Harry tuned in on the last of the argument, straining to suppress his reaction to the thought of a bare-chested, sleeping Malfoy.

"-don't you think, Harry?" The question jolted him out of his trance, and he stared at Hermione, willing her to ask the question again. But she didn't, and because he didn't want to let Pansy win the discussion by answering wrong, Harry did the only thing he could think of. He changed to subject.

"Shouldn't we go inside? The doors have been open for a couple minutes already." He didn't know if that was true or not, but it worked. Hermione scowled at him as everyone headed for the door, whatever point she had been trying to make forgotten.

He started a little when Malfoy passed, as a "Nice save" was whispered into his ear. He stared after the other seeker, confused and a little weirded out. He drifted in behind the larger body of students, putting them between the two rivals. Sure, so the war was over, it didn't mean they were best friends now, did it?

His hamster's wheel of thought was interrupted by Dumbledore's voice.

"If I could have your attention, please." The magnified quaver asked. The students settled down, and the Headmaster nodded in satisfaction.

"Thank you. As you know, Harry, with the help of several persons in this very room, defeated Voldemort once and for all a few weeks ago." He paused to allow the thunderous applause, and Harry flushed as everyone turned to look at him and Hermione. After a few more seconds, the Headmaster continued.

"Now, what you might not know is that after his initial rise to power, the staff at Hogwarts terminated a class for fear of retaliation." Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Hermione sit up straight. Obviously, this information was _not_ in _Hogwarts, A History_.

"Because the threat has been alleviated, the current staff has decided to reinstate the class, to sow good will among the younger generations. Tonight, you will be the fist class in over fifty years to commence the Muggle Immersion course." Groans and huffs accompanied this statement, and the Headmaster smiled before continuing.

"What will happen is this- in twenty minutes, at eleven o'clock precisely, you will be taken to the front gates of Hogwarts. They will be shut behind you, and you will have until midnight to ready yourselves for a week of no magic, living in the muggle world." He paused to stare at the assembled students solemnly.

"Here are the rules- One. Past midnight, you will not be allowed to use magic. Anyone caught violating the rule will automatically fail the class. Two. You will be paired with a muggleborn or a half-blood. Purebloods, I suggest you pay attention to their advice. Three. You need to get a job and hold onto it for at least one day. Four. You may not bring anything with you that you do not have on your person. Five. Your wands will be confiscated."

Harry watched everyone's faces as the Headmaster continued stating rules. The Slytherin's looked shocked and disgusted, and Harry smirked a little at their predicament. As the one house almost purely consisting of purebloods, they had no idea what was going to happen. Everyone else looked like they could stand the class, even if it was completely magic-less.

He snorted, catching Hermione's attention. They both shared smiles, smug at the thought of being out in a world where they were the one's who knew everything, and not on the receiving end of the snob treatment. He had a sudden thought, and with an unobtrusive flick of his wrist, summoned both his and Hermione's passports. He handed it to her, and she gave him a grateful, if wry, smile. Technically, he had only violated the spirit of the rules, not the letter of them. He gave himself a congratulatory mental pat on the back.

"Now, we shall sort all of you into two person partnerships."

Harry groaned, and he wasn't the only one. Whenever the faculty brought out the Sorting Hat, it inevitably put you with the one person you couldn't stand. Mentally, Harry began prepping himself for a week with some asshole. He noticed vaguely that the slips of paper coming out of the hat always had the names of people the same sex on it, and he was a little relieved. It would have sucked to be stuck with any girl for an extended amount of time. Unless they were Hermione, but the rules forbade that.

"-Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood-" Harry bit his lips to hide a smile at Hermione's scowl. _The Sorting Hat strikes again!_ he thought with a mental laugh.

"-Seamus Finnegan, Blaise Zabini-" Now there was a match made in hell. Those two were worse than cats and dogs.

He was almost too busy laughing at everyone else's partners to notice when his name was called.

"-Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy-" But he heard it, and closed his eyes in resignation. Who else? It was always Malfoy, wasn't it. From the soft cursing coming from his right, the blond wasn't too happy with the arrangement, either.

Finally, the sorting was done, and everyone was bemoaning being a seventh year. Some people were even sending Harry the evil eye, which he thought was beyond idiotic. These assholes would rather have more Voldemort than a class! And it was an easy pass, too.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, and every head in the room turned to him. "It is now five minutes to eleven. Please hold out your wands." Everyone did so with grumbles, and a summoning charm from the Headmaster gathered them into a neat bundle at his feet.

"You will get them back at the end of the week. See you all in seven days!"

If anyone else had said that to the students, and in such a happy tone of voice, it would have resulted in an angry mob. As it was, the students turned without a word and met up with their partners on the walk to the gate.

Harry bid Hermione farewell as the blond menace stalked over to him. Without a word, Harry fell in step with Malfoy and they walked stiffly to the front gates. They were the last one's out before the gates closed with an ominous _bang!_ behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary-**"It was a dark and stormy night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-** Slash, but not for a while. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

I also don't care about the intricacies of reality- therefore, do not mind that I bend the fabric of reality to suit my own, devious purposes.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- To my darling, magnificent **njferrell**, because I know I'm a disappointment with Made Expressly For You. Please don't hurt me…(whimper)…

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Two**_

… … …

Malfoy smirked and twirled his fingers, creating a wristwatch between them. Harry opened his mouth, but was cut off as Malfoy said, "No, I am not breaking the rules, Potter. The doddering old fool said we couldn't bring anything with us, not that we couldn't create things."

Harry gave a crooked smile as he said, "I was only going to compliment you on your spell work, Malfoy. I was also going to suggest you conjure some real clothes."

The blond narrowed his eyes, but nodded and frowned in concentration. A second later, his clothes blurred. When the lines settled back down, he was wearing black dress pants and a black button up with Italian leather loafers. Harry was impressed. _He_ couldn't conjure leather, no matter how hard he tried.

"Alright. We've got most of the hour before the no magic rule comes into effect, so come here. We're gonna go find Hermione." Malfoy scowled even as he followed Harry.

"Why?"

"Because she and I do this a lot."

"Do what, precisely?"

Harry grinned. "Hide out in the Muggle world. Don't worry- I know what I'm doing."

After a few minutes of searching, they found Hermione and Luna. Harry wasn't sure what they were doing until the two men showed up- by the way Hermione reacted to his appearance, they must not be getting along so well.

"So. You remember the number?" Harry asked the bushy haired girl. Hermione nodded confidently.

"Yup. Like you made it so hard." she said accusingly. Malfoy cleared his throat, and Harry looked over at him with a smile. _Not knowing something must really get on his nerves_, Harry thought.

"Alright, darling. See you in a week." Hermione swatted at him, and he ducked, laughing. He watched the two girls walk away, then turned to deal with a fuming Malfoy.

"Care to tell me what that was about?" the blond hissed. _He really, really must not like it._

"Sure. Hermione knows my muggle checking account number, and I wanted to make sure she remembered it before she and Luna left."

Malfoy sniffed. "Whatever. Are we leaving anytime soon?" he asked.

Harry smiled. "Do you trust me?" he asked with a grin as he reached forward and grabbed Malfoy's hand.

"Not at all. What are you doing?"

Harry's answer was the rush that accompanied disapparation.

… … …

"What the fuck was that!? You fucking maniac, where are we?!"

Harry chuckled as he listened to Malfoy blow off some steam. It might not have been the best idea not to warn the Slytherin he about his intentions, but hey, whatever. It was over and done now.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Harry said during a lull in the tirade. "Just trust me for a second, all right? We only have forty-five minutes before the no magic rule, remember?"

"Fuck you. Next time, tell me when you plan on pulling this shit, all right?"

"Okay." Harry agreed with a grin. It was kind of a rush to hear Malfoy say, even if, hell _especially _if he didn't realize it, that he wanted to be around Harry long enough for another fuck up.

"Come with me." Harry said as they left the alley he'd apparated them into and onto a strip. Hey, it might be close to midnight, but no one was going to pass up the opportunity to shake down tourists for all they were worth.

He pulled the blond towards a bank, and held the door open for the other man. As they walked up to the teller, Harry leaned over and whispered into Malfoy's ear, "Don't say anything. Let me handle this." He pulled away before the blond could react.

Harry smiled as the teller looked up, and leaned on the ledge.

"Hey, I know it's almost closing time, but we got locked out of our apartment, and I need money before we can go to the locksmith. But I don't have my debit card, only my passport. Is that alright?" he asked earnestly. A little bit of persuasive magic and the teller was putty in his hands.

Ten minutes later, the two of them walked out into the night several thousand pounds richer. Malfoy was quiet, and Harry was contemplating breaking the silence when the blond did it for him.

"What next, oh muggle oracle? What miracles shalt thou pull out of thy hat now?"

Harry chuckled. "Well, I was thinking about finding someplace to spend the rest of the night, but if you don't want me to-" he was cut off by the Slytherin's icy glare. "Just kidding. I know this place, but the only way we'd get there in time is by apparating. You game?"

"Potter, please tell me who taught you the English language so I can kill them later. And if that's the only way…" Malfoy sighed as he held his hand out to the Gryffindor. Harry took it with a grin, and a second later they were standing in front of a large, beautifully made building.

"Where are we?" Malfoy asked.

With a grin, Harry held the door open and ushered the blond into the lobby. "Welcome to the Savoy."

… … …

It had taken a bit of doing, but after twenty minutes, the two of them were ensconced in a suite at the top of the hotel. Malfoy was even grudgingly impressed with the service and the quality, Harry could tell, even though he hadn't said anything.

"I'm hopping in the shower. There's only five minutes until midnight, so if you want anything, do it now."

"That saying 'beauty or brains' does not apply to me, Potter. I have plenty of both, and more than some people I could name." was the blonde's caustic reply from the bedroom. Harry grinned. This whole thing might not be so bad, if they could keep being civil(sorta) to each other.

When Harry got out of the shower, he was a relieved to find that hexes or curses had not found their way onto his clothing, like he had feared. And now he could breath easily, knowing that it was impossible for the blond to curse him in any way. Harry rolled his eyes. That thought was a little weird, even for him. It definitely meant it was time for bed.

… … …

BEGINNING OF DAY ONE

… … …

_Mornings suck_, Harry thought as sunlight struck him square in the face. Squinting, he sat up and stretched, bitching under his breath about the unfairness of life and waking up in general. Motion to his right caught his attention, and he turned his head to see the incredible sight that had played in his mind before this whole fiasco had began- a shirtless, sleeping Draco Malfoy.

Harry swallowed the urge to see just how much clothing the paler seeker had shucked before bed. Instead, he got up and went to the bathroom, hoping he made enough noise to wake Malfoy up. And that he got dressed before Harry got back.

The Gryffindor almost choked when he walked back into the room. Because Malfoy was awake, but only just. He was stretching, and Harry watched the muscles ripple under the alabaster skin he was quickly starting to lust after.

A cleared throat caught his attention, and Harry hoped his face hid his interest. Given the amused look on Malfoy's face, he didn't think so.

"See something you like, Potter?" came the husky drawl. Harry swallowed, and Malfoy smiled. He didn't smirk, he actually smiled. _Oh, shit, _thought Harry, _if he keeps looking at me like that…_ Fortunately for the Gryffindor, Malfoy decided he'd had enough of tormenting people for the morning and turned away. Harry found that he could breath again. _Oh, fuck._

Over breakfast, which was a strained affair, given how Harry was steadfastly _not_ looked at, or talking to Malfoy, they hashed out a tentative plan.

Get jobs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary- **"It was a dark and stormy night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-** _And the slash begins!!_ Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- To **MissingEden**, for her wonderful writing and verbose reviews (and the fact that my sister suggested your name when I couldn't think of anyone to whom this chapter should go. You're still special!!). Honestly, though- if anyone deserves a chapter dedication, it's you.

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Three**_

… … …

_It's amazing how much one forgets their hate of something when exposure to said thing is limited and spaced over long periods of time, _Harry thought with a scowl. For instance, jobs. More specifically, job hunting. He'd tried bars, restaurants, street vendors, clothing stores, everything, and he still couldn't convince anyone to hire him.

He sat on the sidewalk and stared at the street, fuming. He only needed a job for one day. One measly day, and the class would be easy history. But _nooo, _that just couldn't happen because the gods of the perverse are sick bastards.

His thought's turned to Malfoy. Harry grinned as an idea came to him. _I wonder if the menace would let me pimp him out. _Harry dismissed the thought with an angry sigh. One, Malfoy probably already had a job. Two, it was illegal. Three, the thought of anyone's hands on that body kinda sorta made him furious.

A pair of booted feet entered his vision, and Harry looked up with a scowl. The man hovering over him had a stack of papers in his hands, and he scowled right back at Harry.

"I hear you need a job, boy," came the rough voice. "I'll give you fifty pounds to pass out these newspapers to the stores on the strip."

Harry was on his feet in an instant. Sure, it was a piece of crap job, and the man's condescending voice was a very effective irritant, but hell, it _was _a job. He took the papers and the fifty pound note, and started doling them out to the stores. It took him half an hour to complete, and when he turned around, he could see the man coming back from a truck with more papers. Harry went to help.

… … …

Harry staggered back into the hotel at ten, feet hurting, back aching, and all his muscles sore beyond belief. He ignored the stares the hotel staff sent him, intent on getting into the room and avoiding Malfoy at all costs.

Unfortunately, the plan backfired. The blond was sitting on the couch in the sitting room, flipping through the channels on the telly. Malfoy looked up, then really looked at him.

And started laughing.

"What's so funny, Malfoy?"

"You are, Potter. Seriously, what did you do, roll around in muck all day?"

"Fuck off, pest." Harry said as he turned to go shower. He could still hear Malfoy chuckling through the door every now and then, but the water cut through the sound quite nicely.

He washed his clothes with him in the shower, then hung them up to drip dry. Hopefully they would be dry for tomorrow, so he could go get some more clothes, but he doubted it. Things never worked like that for him.

He walked out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel, trying to decide if he wanted Malfoy to be in the room to see him or not. He was only a little disappointed when the blond wasn't there.

He walked into the bedroom and checked to make sure the other boy really was asleep before he dropped the towel over a chair and slid into the bed, sighing at the feel of silk sheets on his skin. He was out in an instant.

… … …

BEGINNING OF DAY TWO

… … …

Harry woke up with a loud "What the _fuck ?!_" as a bundle of warm something was dropped on his face. He sat up, gathering the material into a bundle and looking up to see the amused face of Malfoy.

"What the fuck is your problem, you wanker?" Harry growled, mind still cloudy with sleep.

Malfoy sighed and struck a pose, one hand resting lightly on his hip, and the back of his other across his eyes.

"You don't appreciate me!" he mock-wailed. "After all I've done for you, you still hate me!" The sentence ended on a high note, almost a sob.

Harry stared at him. Malfoy stared back. Finally, the blond huffed and said, "Put the damn clothes on." and stalked out of the room. Harry looked at the bundle in his hands, and was surprised to see it was the clothes he had washed out yesterday.

As if on cue, Malfoy's voice rang out from the sitting room- "Have you never heard of Room Service?"

… … …

They were eating breakfast again, and at least this time wasn't so tense. Harry finished his waffles and sat back, looking at Malfoy. The blond had only had a piece of fruit, and Harry was trying to figure out how the other man kept his figure when the blond started talking.

"I never did ask- did you find a job, Potter?" the question was surprisingly civil, but Harry had to think for a minute to get his mind wrapped around the question before he answered.

"Yeah- I delivered papers. Made good money too, now that I think about it. You?"

Malfoy got up, reaching across to the closet and pulling out a jacket Harry _knew_ the blond hadn't had earlier. "Yes, I did."

Harry waited for more, but Malfoy didn't volunteer anymore information. Finally, as the blond was walking out the door, Harry couldn't wait any longer.

"What is it?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer. He was right to fear it, too, if the stampede it caused in his chest was any indication.

Malfoy stopped halfway through the door, a tiny grin playing about his lips. The grin grew to a smile as he said, "I'm a model for a painting." He paused, then added, "A nude painting."

Harry stared at the closed door, then let his head drop onto the table, banging it while punctuating every _thump _with a muttered, "-_fuck, fuck, fuck-"_

… … …

Harry was nervous, to say the least. He'd spent the whole day shopping, supplementing his muggle wardrobe. Or at least, that's what he wanted to believe. He knew he was really just finding clothes to make Malfoy notice him more.

He'd found a couple of promising outfits, and had bought them all. He knew that none of them matched up to the blonds standards, but they were quite obviously better quality than Harry was used to. At one point during the day, Harry had stopped and sat for a minute, bemoaning the fact that he was getting all dressed up for a Malfoy, his greatest rival. Add to the fact that the blond probably knew about his sudden, overwhelming attraction, and you had a recipe for disaster.

The funny thing was, Harry found he didn't care. So what that Malfoy will probably laugh his ass off, Harry didn't care. He really didn't.

He was still trying to convince himself of that when Malfoy walked into the suite. Harry had a flashback to that morning-_"A nude painting."-_ and whimpered a little.

Happily for Harry, Malfoy ignored the sound of distress (yeah, right) and busied himself with putting his jacket away. By the time he'd turned around, Harry had gotten himself under control again. Well. Sorta.

Anyway, they chatted about inconsequential things while waiting for room service, and everything was going fine until Malfoy said, "So what did you do all day, Harry?"

Harry blanked out. Who knew that having Malfoy say his name like that, his _first _name, too! Would have such an effect on him?

"I, um, I shopped." _Wow, way to be articulate, Harry-my-boy._

"I can see that. Your clothes aren't the usual pieces of crap. Any particular reason?" Malfoy's voice should be illegal. The husky timbre, coupled with the look of pure heat, was an overload for Harry.

So he did what he usually did when his brain took a vacation- react without thinking. "Shut up, you bleached blond."

Malfoy's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, then a hard look entered his eyes.

"How dare you! I've never heard such an baseless accusation!" Harry was really close to hurting himself for fucking up the thing they had had going.

Malfoy continued his rant. "I am a natural blond! And," he dropped his voice from its high range to the husky tone that had that bad habit of making Harry's higher brain functions go bye-bye, "I can prove it."

Harry swallowed as Malfoy stood up, turning to face him dead-on.

"Um, what are you…" the question died an early death in his throat as the blond shrugged out of his shirt. Reaching over, Malfoy pulled Harry to his feet, then danced out of reach.

"Why, merely proving to you just how natural my hair color is." was the reply. The Slytherin backed up towards the bedroom, and as his hand landed on the knob, he asked, "Aren't you going to join me?"

Harry surged forward, bracing his hands on either side of Malfoy's head. He leaned in, and just before he placed a kiss on the boy's lips, he whispered, "Oh, most definitely."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary- **"It was a dark and stormy night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-**_And the slash continues!!_ Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- This is dedicated to **AmberAthame**, who suffered through me kinda sorta not paying attention to our two hour long phone conversation (at midnight, no less!) while writing the following ramble.

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Love You!!

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Four**_

… … …

BEGINNING OF DAY THREE

… … …

Harry was in awe- no, that wasn't enough. He _revered_ Malfoy. The man was a _god_. That thing he did with his tongue, and the thing with his hands, and the way he moved, and, and… yeah.

It was mind blowing.

So wonderful, so magnificent was Malfoy that Harry couldn't sleep, even as tired and relaxed as he was. He couldn't do anything but marvel at how perfect and flawless the man sleeping beside him was.

Speaking of which… Harry rolled over and let his eyes feast on the expanse of Malfoy's back. The sheet was bunched down by the blondes rear, and his head was pillowed on his arms. The pose stretched his torso, showing the smooth curve of his spine to perfection. And there was not a flaw on the whole of the Slytherin's body. Harry grinned. Oh, how well he knew that.

Malfoy stirred, and Harry tensed up. He wasn't sure how his still being in the blondes bed would be received, but his fears were unfounded. Malfoy rolled over and smiled when he saw Harry's face.

"Good morning." Harry smiled back even as the blondes voice worked its magic on the nether regions of his body.

"Morning." he replied. A sudden idea popped into his mind, and he scrambled out of the bed, leaving a confused Malfoy in his wake.

"Stay here." Harry ordered with a wild smile.

"Um, okay." Malfoy said slowly.

Harry rushed into the sitting room and dialed room service. Five minutes later, a knock sounded on the door. Harry opened it, and ignored the shocked, and then appreciative look of the maid. He paid her and hurriedly shut the door, taking the food off its tray and carrying it into the bedroom.

Malfoy looked at him with an amused smirk- Harry didn't care. He decided, as he handed the blond a fruit salad and coffee, that he enjoyed pampering the Malfoy heir.

The blond finished eating, then leaned back on the pillows and stared at Harry thoughtfully.

"You know, you've only seen me eat breakfast twice. It's amazing that you've learned my eating habits so quickly."

Harry flushed. He actually didn't want to admit this, but he was still high on the fact that Malfoy hadn't kicked him out of his bed first thing.

"I, um, actually know your eating habits pretty well. We sit directly across from each other every morning at breakfast."

Malfoy started laughing. But it wasn't a mean laugh, it was more of a _holy-crap-that's-a-little-weird_ laugh.

Harry shrugged. "You pick up a couple things after seven years of watching the same thing. Um."

Malfoy laughed again, and this time it was for real. "You watched me eat for seven years and the only thing you picked up was that I liked fruit?"

"That's not true. I know that you like maple syrup on you pancakes but not your waffles, that you won't eat a hot dog if it was the last thing left on the table, that you love mashed potatoes and eat as much as you can stuff in, and that you think I'm a freak for knowing all this."

"No, actually, I think it's kinda flattering." Harry snorted. Malfoy raised an eyebrow and pushed the dishes off the bed.

"You think I'm lying?" Malfoy asked with a growl.

Harry stuttered a little. "Uh, um…"

Malfoy crawled across the bed and settled himself into Harry's lap. "I don't think you believe me, Harry."

It was along time before they got out of bed.

… … …

Harry was a little antsy, and since it was noon and Malfoy was at his 'job' and staying in the suite reminded him too forcefully of their recreational activities, Harry decided to take a trip to Hermione. And Luna.

So when he showed up on her doorstep and rang the bell, he was a little surprised that it took them so long to get to the door. When they opened the door, he was slightly shocked that they were giggling. Until he smelled their breathe. Then the situation was perfectly clear.

"Hey guys." He said cautiously. It was always wise to approach a drunk Hermione with care.

"Hey, darlin'." Hermione slurred out. "How ya doin'?"

"I'm alright. How are you guys doing? Where are your parents, 'Mione?" Harry asked. It was a little odd for anyone, let alone Hermione, to be drunk in the middle of the day.

"Mum and Dad are at work, and Luna and I are bonding." Hermione's speech capabilities were getting better, and she flung the door open and invited him in. He entered and his eyes widened at the sight that met his eyes.

There were beer bottles flung all around the room, and munchies covered every available surface. He swept the room with one more glance, then turned to Hermione and said, "I only came over to see if you had any trouble at the bank."

Hermione snorted. "Yeah, right. The teller couldn't have cared less that I was a female, and not a male, like the account holder was supposed to be."

"Alrighty then, I gotta go back to work. See ya around!" Two cheery 'See ya's' followed him out of the door, and he leaned against the frame before shaking his head and heading back to the Savoy. He did not want to be around when her parents got home, that was for damn sure.

It was six o'clock by the time he retuned to the suite, loaded down with bags from various strip mall and boutiques. Malfoy looked up as Harry stumbled into the suite, his eyes lighting up when he saw the bags. He jumped off the couch to help the Gryffindor, then proceeded to rummage around in the bags.

Harry watched in amusement as the blond discovered the shirts he'd bought, the movies and snacks he'd stocked up on, and finally the bag of toys. Malfoy looked up, eyes crinkling in a sly smile, as he pounced on the brunet.

… … …

Afterwards, they cuddled together on the couch and watched An Affair to Remember with Cary Grant, munching their way through bags of popped corn and twizzlers. It might have been a consummate chick flick, but both of the teens loved the movie.

As they watched the credits scrolling down the screen, Harry asked Malfoy, "How's the painting coming?"

The blond smiled and snuggled deeper into Harry's arms. "It's alright. It's almost done."

Harry nodded his head, firmly suppressing the itsy bitsy, okay maybe not that tiny beast of jealousy. Malfoy must have noticed, because he said, his head still buried in Harry's chest, "You can come watch tomorrow, if you want."

A little shocked, Harry looked at Malfoy. "Um, sure."

Malfoy sat up, a sly grin on his face. "Good. Now that that's settled, I don't want to go to sleep depressed. You up to the challenge?"

"For you, always."


	5. Chapter 5

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary- **"It was a dark and stormy night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-**_And the slash continues!!_ Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- To the one, the only, **Murgy31!! **Darling, without your reviews I might have ceased fan fiction altogether. Thank you thank you thank you!!

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Five**_

… … …

BEGINNING OF DAY FOUR

… … …

Harry was a little nervous about seeing Malfoy in a compromising position where he couldn't be taken advantage of, but the blond insisted, and so here he was. Currently, he was waiting for the Slytherin to come out of the changing room, where he was getting ready to finish the rest of the portrait.

The artist was a flaky little twit from Germany who was as straight as a slinky. That had worried Harry a bit, but then he met the flake's partner, who was just as flakey, and breathed a sigh of relief. Malfoy was way too sophisticated for these two.

He was listening to their conversation about color wheels when the curtain to the dressing room slid open, and Malfoy stepped out. He was wearing a terrycloth robe and the two artists rushed over and fawned over him.

Harry was in hardly a better state. He didn't think he could survive four hours of watching a nude Malfoy and not being allowed to touch. It brought the words _torture _and _agony _to mind.

He watched as the flake's explained the day's goal to the blond, and gleaned some information. Apparently, Malfoy was posing as Eros, the son of Aphrodite. Harry choked back a whimper.

The position they wanted him in was one where he was reclining against a ruby red velvet bolster, a rich ruby toga just barely covering his important bits. A gold harp was held languidly in one hand, a quiver carelessly tossed on the floor at his feet, and the bow held almost seductively at the joint of his hips and legs.

Harry took a seat behind the painters, fascinated by the way they were capturing the languid heat radiating from the blond.

Eventually, though, the sheer amount of time spent staring at Malfoy spread out in such a position took its toll on the Gryffindor. With a muttered "Pardon me," Harry got up and went outside for a breath of fresh air.

A couple of minutes later, slim pale arms slid around his waist, and Harry bit his tongue to muffle a groan.

"Poor, poor Potter." came the voice of his terrorizer. "How awful that must have been for you."

Harry gave a pained grin. "You evil prat, you set me up."

Malfoy chuckled, sliding around so he stood in front of Harry, pressing their bodies together. "Of course I did. I wanted to see how long you could hold out. Most people would have left much earlier." He paused, a thoughtful look on his face. "I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not."

"Oh, trust me. It was most sincerely a compliment." Harry gritted out. "Are you done, or are you torturing me again?"

"No, darling. I'm done. But not just with the sitting- with the whole painting."

"Lovely. Lets say goodbye to the nice men and go back to the hotel? Please?"

Malfoy grinned, and Harry would have done anything for him just then. "You know I love to hear you beg. Fine. Let's go."

… … …

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, watching Malfoy sleep. It seemed to have become his favorite spectator sport, and he never wanted to stop. The blond was stretched out diagonally across the bed, taking up most of the room. One knee was hiked up to his waist, the other leg going straight across the bed.

Harry grinned. Who would have guessed the blond was a bed hog?

With a grunt, he shoved Malfoy over until there was enough room for him on the bed, then Harry wrapped himself around his menace. For once, sleep came easily.

… … …

BEGINNING OF DAY FIVE

… … …

There was a lock of hair across Harry's eyes when he woke up, and he laid there for a minute, contemplating just how low he had sunk. And in such a short amount of time, too! Falling for Malfoy, that was only the tip of the iceberg. Look at this! He was already happily accepting the fact that the blond had him wrapped around his little finger. Besides which, he actually like the feel of the hair on his face. It was so soft.

Fortunately, or not so much, depending on which part of Harry's brain you were rooting for, Malfoy chose that exact minute to roll over and wake up. Soft hair slid across Harry's face in a fond adieu, and Harry sighed.

Malfoy gave him an odd look. "What's the matter with you this early in the morning?"

Harry shook his head, then reached over and dragged the blond across his chest. "Hello darling. What shall we do this fine day?"

The Slytherin propped an elbow on Harry's chest, putting his chin in his palm. Harry grinned.

"Lets go sightseeing. I want to go to the Tower of London and Big Ben." Harry shrugged. He didn't care, but was really hoping the blond didn't want to leave just this minute. He was craving a long, shared shower.

"Sure. But, do we have to leave right away?" he asked pleadingly. Malfoy looked down at him, an arch look on his face.

"Fine. Lets go take a shower. Since I can tell that's what you really want to do today," he added with a wriggle of his hips.

Harry grinned. He loved, simply _loved_, the fact that their brains were on the same wavelength.

… … …

They stood on the bank of the Thames, looking in awe at the massive fort before them. Casually, Malfoy remarked, "You know, before they started storing the Crown Jewels in there, quite a few of my ancestors were beheaded here."

"You know," Harry said after a short pause, "I'm not quite sure how to respond to that remark."

"Mmm, yes, I know the feeling. Imagine my surprise when I found it out in a history book, and not from my father."

Harry smirked. It was good to know that the father of your lover wasn't held in high esteem. Less chance of a parentally commanded break-up. Harry's mind shied away from the fact that he'd just used _lover _and _break-up_ in the same thought. So he changed the subject.

"I can't wait to come back here with magic. Can you imagine- being in the restricted zones, messing with the electricity, causing general mayhem." Malfoy sent Harry an odd look.

"You know, for a noble Gryffindor, you have some very Slytherin notions of fun."

Harry hid a smile. Eventually, he'd tell Malfoy about the Sorting Hat, but not now.

… … …

For the rest of the day, they wandered around London, oohing and ahhing over statues and fountains, shopping until they couldn't hold anymore bags, and making notes about the places they wanted to revisit when they could use magic.

They staggered back into the hotel, laughing and exhausted. Not even stopping to put things away, the two students stripped down to their underwear and collapsed on the bed, groaning with pleasure at the feel of the mattress beneath them.

Harry rolled his head to face Malfoy, and then reached over and pulled the cord to turn off the light. He turned back and wrapped himself around the blond like a living blanket, too tired to want to do anything but cuddle. Malfoy apparently felt the same, because he snuggled back into Harry's chest with a sigh.

They slid into oblivion easily.

... ... ...

_-shakes finger-_

_no one noticed it's been weeks since i've posted! What?! Does no one love me?!_

_Sorry, i love you all. Review, please!_

_ta!_

_MannyWitch_


	6. Chapter 6

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary- **"It was a dark and dreary night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-**_And the slash continues!!_ Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- To my dearest, darling **Derangedxandxsarcastic **(totally spelled your name wrong, please don't kill me!). This chapter is dedicated to you for reviewing everything- and I didn't even have to beg (very hard)! You Sirius-ly rock my socks. (oh, the bad puns just don't stop, do they?)

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Six**_

… … …

BEINNING OF DAY SIX

… … …

"No. Absolutely not."

"Oh, come on, Harry. It'll be fun, I promise."

Harry let a frustrated sigh out of his nostrils. "There is no way I'm going to do it! It's so, so…urg!"

He couldn't say humiliating, or feminine, because apparently Malfoy did it all the time. But there was no way he was going to spend hours in a _spa!_

He turned to look at the blond, and immediately regretted it. The Slytherin sent him such a pitiful, pleading look that Harry heard himself give in.

"Oh, fine. But none of that mud bath stuff. Or the food mask, or, or…" he couldn't think of anything else to exclude, and he had a feeling he'd be regretting that later.

Malfoy beamed at him. "Good. I've already made appointments-" which meant he'd known Harry would cave, damn him "-and we have half an hour to get there. Do you have a bathing suit?"

Harry shook his head. "I didn't see the need to buy one." Malfoy scowled, an expression Harry was a little shocked to see on the boy's face. He'd gotten so used to the smiling Malfoy that the evil bastard had come as a bit of a surprise.

"Now we'll have to get you one… Alright, come on."

… … …

"I really don't have any will power when it comes to you, do I?" Harry asked mournfully.

Malfoy chuckled, but didn't say anything. Harry sighed. He really had no idea how he'd managed to get slathered with mud, wrapped in a thermal blanket, and have the food mask glopped onto his face. The only thing he could say in his defense was that that damn Malfoy was really persuasive.

"Please don't tell anyone about this, alright?" Even with the bits of cucumber over his eyes, Harry could tell Malfoy was rolling his own.

"Fine, I won't. It's not like you're the only guy to have been roped into an unwilling spa day, you know. Happens quite a bit."

"Uh-huh."

… … …

Finally, Harry was free of the confining blanket, and he bolted into the shower. He actually liked how soft his skin had gotten, but he was damned if he was going to admit it.

Instead, he busied himself with waiting for Malfoy in the lobby of the damned place, balefully looking at those around him. They actually looked like they were having _fun!_

Finally, Malfoy showed up, and it was all Harry could do to not swallow his tongue. Every single inch of the young god was scrubbed smooth, and you could tell he'd been lavished with everything under the sun. His hair was glowing, his skin looked like the finest alabaster, and even his walk seemed to have attained a more elegant flare.

Harry stood and followed the blond to the counter, not taking his eyes off the other Seeker for a second. After taking care of a few things and making another appointment for a later date, Malfoy lead Harry out into the sun.

"Do close your mouth, Harry. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, drooling does _not_ become you."

Harry shut his mouth with a _click_. Hell, he hadn't even realized it had been open. He scowled.

"Damn it, Malfoy. You're a menace to society."

"No, darling, just to you." came the smug reply.

Harry couldn't argue with that, and Malfoy sent him a pitying glance. "I realize that you still aren't used to my incredible, unmatched good looks, and I also know that you suffered quite a bit for me today. So I'm going to take you out to dinner."

_Lord love a duck,_ Harry thought with a mental wince. How was he supposed to sit through a whole meal without jumping the Slytherin? Obviously, Malfoy was testing his willpower. Like he hadn't already enough proof that it was nonexistent.

"Um, okay." Harry agreed with trepidation. Malfoy just smiled.

… … …

Harry was of the opinion that the restaurant was a really upscale place. Yet, there really was nothing else it could be, seeing as how he was here with Malfoy. They'd been treated like royalty since the moment they'd walked through the door, and it was quickly becoming one of those surreal experiences that you don't believe are happening.

So it was with exacting care that Harry picked out his entrée, nervously conscious of his less-than-perfect appearance. Compared to Malfoy, he was scruffy and unkempt, but he also knew that no one could out do a Malfoy when it came to dressing up. It was one of those blatantly self-evident things in the world, like the fact that Hitler was bad, and Joan of Arc was a saint.

Speaking of unmatched perfection- "How'd you find this place anyway, Malfoy?"

"One of my fathers friends recommended it for the next time I was in the neighborhood. You" he said with a sudden scowl, "have a problem."

Harry blinked at the apparent non-sequitor. "What would that be?" he asked cautiously.

"Saying my first name. Or rather, _never _saying it."

"Oh." That was really the only thing he could say. Because really, he couldn't say that calling the blond 'Draco' would be akin to a religious experience for him, now could he? No, now that would confirm whatever notion Malfoy had about Harry's intelligence. Or lack thereof.

"Oh? That's all you can say? Oh?" the blond's voice was soft and deadly, and Harry knew the evil bastard was back. So he tried to defend himself.

"Listen, I thought you'd get mad if I called you that without your permission. I know you've cursed other people for doing that."

"What precisely makes you believe that I've lumped you in the same category as all the other fuckers in my life? Or does the fact that I- that _I'm_ sleeping with you not count?"

Once again, Harry caved. He'd heard what the blond had almost said, and the hope that what he'd cut off was anywhere near what Harry wanted hear him say had him flying high.

"I'm sorry, I really am. Forgive me?" Malfoy stared at him, then smirked.

"On one condition."

"Name it."

"That you never, _ever_ call me by any other name than 'Draco'. Got it?"

Harry sent the boy a slow smile, agreeing in a soft voice. "Of course, _Draco._"

The blond shivered, and Harry's smile grew. _You know,_ he thought, _this could be fun._

… … …

They tumbled onto the bed, and Harry rolled over so the blond was pinned to the mattress.

Ghosting his lips along the arch of the boy's cheekbone, Harry said, "You know, I'm glad you're here, Draco." The boy shuddered under him, gasping as Harry's hands drifted down to the buttons on his shirt.

"God, Harry, just shut the fuck up." the blond ordered.

Harry leaned up and grinned at his Draco. "I'm glad to know I'm appreciated."

… … …

_Urr… is this too graphic for the story? I don't want it to be, because I know it's better to leave certain things to the reader sometimes. _

_Whatev._

_MannyWitch_


	7. Chapter 7

**Title-** Tossed Out On Their Asses

**Disclaimer-** Seriously, people- Do I _look _like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

**Summary- **"It was a dark and dreary night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

**Rating-** Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

**Warnings-** _And the slash continues!!_ Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

**Author's Note-** Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

**These chapters will all be dedicated to different people**

**Dedication**- This chapter is going to get dedicated to an author who I don't even think knows I exist- **dracofangirl. **She wrote the most awesomest story ever, and it's called **Tomorrow Will Come. **At twenty one chapters, with no chapter under forty-five pages in length, and some fantastic ideas, she deserves the shout out. Go check out her story!! That's an order!!

And now, on with the show…

_**Chapter Seven**_

… … …

BEINNING OF DAY SEVEN

… … …

Harry woke with a knot in his stomach- today was the last day of the course. Which meant that they had to go back to school at the end of the day. Which meant he had no idea how anyone would take the idea of him and Draco being together, let alone if Draco wanted to stay together.

Harry hoped he did, because the Gryffindor couldn't imagine life without the caustic blond.

He tightened his hold on the body next to him, burying his head into the nape of Draco's neck.

That motion must have woken the blond, because he stretched and arched his back. Turning to stare at Harry, Draco smiled, and Harry smiled back.

"Mornin'." the blond whispered.

"Good morning." Harry replied. "What do you wanna do today?"

The Slytherin stretched, and Harry had to struggle to keep his mind on the conversation. "Well, I was thinking about staying in, actually."

Harry gulped, and a evil smile appeared on the blond's lips. "Or to be more precise, I was thinking about having _you_ stay in."

"Uh, that sounds like a good idea to me." The brunet hastily assured Draco.

"Lovely."

… … …

The whole day passed that way, with both boys determinately _not_ thinking about the end of the day. So they laughed, and played, and talked, and did other things to keep their minds off their immanent departure.

However, no matter what they did, they didn't have the power to stop time, so when four o'clock rolled around, and an owl tapped at their window, a helpless look was passed between them.

Draco went over to the window and opened the pane, taking the bundle from the bird with ill grace. As the bird flew away, he walked back over to Harry and dropped the package on the bed, glaring at it as if it could understand his hate.

With a sigh, Harry reached over and unwrapped the parcel, revealing their wands and a letter. He cracked the seal and read out loud.

"'_Dear Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter,_

_You have both successfully completed the course, as I had no doubt you would. Thank you for adhering to the rules of the class, and enclosed please find your wands and your grades. _

_I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner in the Great Hall, and I hope this class has taught you something about yourselves. _

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore._

_Grades-_

_Mr. Malfoy- O_

_Mr. Potter- O'"_

Harry looked up from the letter to see an interesting expression on the blond's face- a little smugness, probably about his grade, and a little indignation, most likely about the last line. He smiled.

"Well, looks like this class was as easy a pass as I though it would be." he said, trying to lighten the mood. It worked, because Draco snapped out of his funk and smiled back.

"Yes, I see it was." he said, then huffed. "Lets pack, shall we?"

… … …

It was six o'clock when the two students finished packing. They were searching the room for anything they might have missed when Harry realized there was something else he wanted to get. With a muttered "I'll be right back." to Draco, Harry disapparated.

He returned a few minutes later, a silly grin on his face. Draco cornered him, a sly and curious expression on his own.

"Where did you go just now?" he asked.

Harry grinned. "That's for me to know and you to not find out."

The blond narrowed his eyes, but huffed when he saw it had no affect on his grinning buffoon of a Gryffindor.

"Lets go." he said, and the two of them got a porter to haul their luggage down to the lobby to check out.

When that was completed, they surreptitiously cast lightening charms and walked into an alleyway, where Draco held his hand out with an aristocratic gesture.

Harry grinned as he took the proffered hand, then apparated them to the gates of Hogwarts, where they started the long trek to the castle.

… … …

The sight that greeted them when they entered the Entrance Hall was one of barely controlled pandemonium. There were students everywhere, their luggage was crowding up the halls, and curious groups of fifth and sixth years were watching.

Harry was turning to comment on it to Draco when someone screeched his name. He turned just in time to be attacked by a redheaded female.

"Uh, Ginny," he managed to get out, acutely aware of Draco's icy glare. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just so happy to see you, Harry!" she squealed, much to his ears discontent. "You've been gone for a whole _week_, and no one knew where you were, and all the other seventh years were gone too, but now you're back!"

"That's great and all, but I really don't see how it concerns you, Gin." he got out after finally being released from her death grip on his neck.

She smacked his arm in what she probably thought was a sexy way. "Or course it does, silly. You're going to ask me out soon, I know it."

Harry had no idea how to respond to that one, so he was immensely relieved to hear a frigid drawl come from behind him. "Weaslette, I highly doubt that Potter would ever make the mistake of asking out such an obviously inferior being."

Her head whipped around and she sneered at Draco. "This is none for your business, Malfoy. So why don't you just crawl back into the hole you came out of?"

They'd gotten an audience by this time, and all were awaiting Draco's reply.

The blond came around in front of Harry, leaving his belongings on the floor, thenput his hand on his heart and swooned, saying, "Oh, that hurt me, it really did." His hand fell, and Draco pinned the redhead with a glare. "Besides, why should he want you when he has someone who is simply perfect in every way?"

Harry grinned as Ginny's face grew confused. "What are you talking about, Malfoy? Harry wants me."

Draco backed up until his spine bumped into Harry's chest, and the Gryffindor wrapped an arm around the blond's waist. "I highly doubt that. You see, if he did, _I _wouldn't want_ him_."

The entire hallway gasped at that revelation, but Harry barely heard them. _Draco just admitted we were a couple! _was the exultant refrain running through his head. He almost didn't hear the rest of the fight.

Ginny gasped, tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh, tell me it isn't true, Harry!"

Harry frowned at her. "But that would be _lying, _wouldn't it? You don't want me to _lie_, do you?"

Her face grew angry at his words, and she shouted, "You jerk! You could have had me, but you went for him instead! Besides," she added, her voice and face growing nasty, "he just wants you for your money."

Draco gave a startled laugh, sliding out of Harry's arms. "Oh, yes, Weaslette," he said tauntingly as he slid behind Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on the Gryffindor's shoulder, "of course I only want Potter for his enormous…" his hands drifted lower, and as Harry started to blush, the blond finished, "_fortune._"

The crowd cracked up, and Draco let go of Harry. Still facing the girl, he leaned against Harry's side, with the brunets arm wrapped comfortingly around his shoulders.

"Besides, if anyone wanted him for his money, it would be you. I'll have you know, my fortune is half again as large as Potter's. It would be idiotic of me to want him for his money when I have more than enough of my own."

Her face as red as her hair, Ginny broke into tears as the crowd catcalled and booed her. She turned and fled as Hermione came up beside the two boys. "You couldn't have let her down any easier, could you?"

Draco frowned. "She wouldn't have left him alone until it was made completely clear that Potter was off the menu. I did so."

Harry laughed. "Come on, you two. I'm hungry, and the meal is about to start." After summoning Dobby, who was more than willing to take their bags and unpack for them, they walked into the Great Hall. Ignoring the looks they were getting, Draco followed Hermione over to the Gryffindor table and sat.

"What?" he said when everyone looked at him. "The Slytherin's would eat Potter alive."

At that, the table cracked up. Harry grinned as his hand was caught under the table. Usually, Dumbledore's ideas were scary and didn't work, but this time, the old codger seemed to know what he was doing. Harry sent a grin up to the Staff Table, and it grew wider as the Headmaster returned it.

_Yeah, life is good._

_

* * *

_

Yeah, there's probably going to be an epilogue, just so you know.

_So, what did you think of my work of crack, verbose and varying in the writing styles thought it many have been?_

_Tell me, you know you wanna…_

_Just kidding (anyone ever notice that the initials of 'just kidding' are the same as those of our illustrious goddess? I hadn't, not until just now)._

_MannyWitch_


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